Feeling heavy

This is not necesarily how do I look now but it certaily represents how heavy I feel.

It has been a long lasting feeling for over a year. When I decided to swim across Lake Ontario and learned what was needed, my biggest fear was the cold water.
In December I was eager to get into the almost frozen lake and get used to that cold.
I wanted to teach my body, I wanted to get used to it.
After a few times of burning cold water treatments (experiments), a few times of blue lips and long lasting shivering, once that I tried to put my face in the water at 9ºC and felt like needles in my nose bone, I learned that I needed to put some weight to help myself to cope with the cold for a longer period of time.
Turned out that it was a great opportunity to stop caring that much about what I eat. I started eating anything I wanted when I wanted it! I was in some sort of eating paradise. Ice-cream, pecan pies, maple dessert every meal, cereal, any kind of nuts, fruit, cookies, pastries, bread… anything I wanted! there were times when I actually lost weight after a week of long cold training sessions. But at the end of the project, I was the heaviest I have ever been: 82Kg.
After 14 months at the time I am starting to train seriously again I am 79.6 Kg.
That is a big problem… and not at the same time.
I developed eating patterns and habits that had persisted even when the physical activity was removed from my daily routine.
If I want to race fast and feel better I know what to do.
I just need to find the courage deep inside me to do it, and yet at 42, commuting over 4 hours a day, with short times for meals and having to cook earlier in the day or late at night it is making it much harder that I have imagined.
Writing about it is a step.
If someone of you have a goal of loosing weight and want to share the process here or in private I will be very happy to engage in this exercise of writing about it.
Any comments good, bad …welcome!